States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
