My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
