Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I CAN MOONWALK!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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