I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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