So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize