you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
birth control should be required to get into college
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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