i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
