Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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