Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just threw up on my dentist
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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