No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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