try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
