Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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