after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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