...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
