I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
