I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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