The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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