lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
