saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize