We're like a lot better than the average bears
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
