that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
