I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
