The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
