Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
