But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
