After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
