I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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