I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
