escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
