I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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