her vagine was all disorganized.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
