I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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