tell your sister to shave her snatch
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
