You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
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