if you like me you must not know who I am
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you never un-have a 4some
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
