He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
