when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
