what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
