My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
