seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
