Midget sex pt 2 tonight
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
