The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
