somebody snuck up and got me drunk
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
