I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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