I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
