i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
