Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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