im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
