He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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