I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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