she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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