I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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