my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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