I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
