first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
