I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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