You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize