Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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