Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
