3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
