I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
