wanna go halves on a baby?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
