Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
