Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
