I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think I died a long time ago.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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