she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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