dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
