what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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