She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
