my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize