if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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