You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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