Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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