Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
