Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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