the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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