great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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