people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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