I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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