I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
