Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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