Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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