I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
please don't ironically join a cult
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