my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
