I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
